Wednesday, August 02, 2006

August 2nd

What is up with all this blog stuff????? I decided to write a blog b/c I no longer keep a journal. My hand gets tired if I write too Also, it is my time to vent when things around here get a little too crazy for me. I am 31 years old, I have 3 kids and I've been married for 10 years. Been with my husband for almost 16 years. Wow, when I look at that I am amazed. It doesn't feel that long but when I look at it, it does..Does that make sense? I don't know. I love my husband alot. It's hard to show it when I am over my head with my kids and all, but I can't see myself with any other man. He is like my left arm. My kids can have my other I am so used to him and yet, I can still be shy around him. I don't think that makes sense either.

Anyway, today is Wednesday and my son and I are the only ones that are up this morning. I have to go to the library and take my 7 year old daughter to the doctor's for a physical. I have to wash some work clothes for hubby and cook dinner.

That is my life pretty much everyday. Dealing with kids is not a easy job. I have 3 and someone once told me having the third child should be the easiest but it's not. My older two always bicker and nip-pick at things with each other and it drives me mad. Since I stay home with the kids hubby thinks when he gets home, it's off-duty daddy to him. I don't expect him to wash clothes, clean the bathrooms, clean the floors or even take the kids a bath. What I do expect is a little help with the kids once he unwinds from his hectic day. I don't mind letting him have a 1/2 hour to an hour to himself. What's not fair is him saying hi to the kids for 5 minutes and then run off to his computer for 3-5 hours straight leaving the kids whining b/c they miss their daddy and their daddy doesn't want to spend time with them b/c his game is more important then his kids. The game will always be there but kids grow up. I don't want my son thinking that is normal for a father b/c it's not. My father was always an active dad and I loved him for that. While my mom cooked dinner, my dad would be there with my sister and I either reading a book or even playing cards. I think he did that to get us out of my mother's hair while she cooked. Now with my hubby, he thinks when I cook, it's his turn to get away and play with his computer. Like I don't need assistance with the kids while I cook. OMG, he thinks that cooking is fun for me? I cook b/c I love home-cooked meals and I don't like to order out. It's too damn expensive. YKWIM? Sometimes he amazes me the way he is with the kids. I know he didn't grow up with a father but my dad never grew up with one either. He needs to learn what is most important to him. His family or his gaming needs.

I'm planning to go back to work but the only thing that is holding me down is my baby. She's 16 months old and I feel as though I have to give her at least 2 years at home with mommy like the other two. Looking at all the bills has been hard for me though lately b/c I know I have to make money for the family but I don't want my daughter to be unhappy. I know it sounds crazy but I feel if she is home, she'll be happier b/c when it comes to naps, she is very comfy in her bed. Now, if she goes to day care, I feel as though she won't be as comfy and when it's time to go home after she's picked up, she'll be a terror at home. So, all and all, I have alot of reasons why I stay home.

Update: Since this post, things have been much easier and hubby is very helpful. Thank God.


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